Saint (Dixie Reapers MC 12) Read online

  He sounded like a wonderful man, and anyone Luciana loved would have to be rather remarkable. It made me long for that type of relationship, but I didn’t want just anyone. I wanted Saint. I wondered if Luciana’s husband had managed to kill my father, or was Mateo Gomez still out there, waiting to strike? Would he come for me and Violeta now? If my father was no longer a threat, would I be welcomed back into Saint’s home? I’d felt close to him the one day we’d shared. Even though I understood the walls he’d put up, it didn’t mean I had to like it. He should fight for me, for us. Shouldn’t he?

  My stomach clenched, and then I felt acid rising up the back of my throat. I scrambled for the nearest bathroom and fell to my knees seconds before I threw up. I flushed the toilet, but just ended up throwing up again twice more. When I was finished, I lay on the cool tile and focused on breathing. My stomach gurgled and I worried I’d get sick again. Too much stress.

  “You okay?” Rocket asked, leaning against the doorway, a frown on his face. “You sick?”

  He couldn’t be that worried since he stayed out of reach. Or maybe he was worried about scaring me. I knew Violeta jumped at shadows most of the time, and if he’d been around her, then he might expect the same of me. I wanted to hate the men keeping my sisters from me, but they seemed like decent guys. Not once had Rocket been harsh with Violeta. If anything, he was tender with her, and sweet. Maybe he was exactly what she needed. I hadn’t had a chance to spend much time with them, but I didn’t see evil lurking in his eyes. The way he protected her, watched her, was touching.

  “I don’t think I have anything contagious. My stomach just cramped and I knew I was going to be sick. I think I’m fine now.”

  Violeta eyed me from beside Rocket and nibbled her lower lip. She cast a glance up at him before coming into the bathroom and kneeling in front of me. Her hands trembled as she reached out and ran her fingers through my hair. Fear filled her eyes, and worry. Had my throwing up scared her? It wasn’t like I’d never been sick around her before.

  “Sofia, did anyone hurt you since we left Colombia? Like before?” she asked softly.

  Hurt me? My brow furrowed and I tried to… Oh. She was worried someone here had forced themselves on me. “No, Violeta. No one hurt me like Father’s men.”

  She stared at me as if she didn’t quite believe me. Did she worry that I would lie out of fear or to protect someone? Since when had my little sister turned into a protector? It was my job to watch over her, not the other way around.

  “But you threw up,” Violeta said. “I threw up a lot the first two months of my pregnancy. What if you’re pregnant? If someone hurt you… Rocket will help you. All the Hades Abyss men will.”

  Pregnant? I snorted. In all the years of abuse I’d suffered, not once had I ever conceived. No, it was doubtful I was pregnant. I was just scared and worried. That’s all it was. I struggled to sit up, but the room spun.

  “Rocket, help her,” Violeta said, rising to her feet. “She needs a doctor.”

  Bossy. Little Violeta was getting bossy, and it made me smile. It was nice to see this side of her. It had been so long since she’d spoken up. I wanted to argue that I was fine, but I wasn’t really feeling all that great at the moment. Maybe a doctor wasn’t the worst idea ever.

  “The Reapers have a doctor they use on a regular basis,” Rocket said. “We’ll get her back to her room, then I’ll have someone call him.”

  Rocket picked me up and carried me to the room I’d chosen earlier. He eased me down onto the bed and slipped off my shoes. Violeta sat in the chair next to the bed. Rocket gave her a tender look before he pulled his phone from his pocket and stepped out of the room. It didn’t escape my notice that Violeta watched him, her heart in her eyes. I hoped she didn’t have a heartache in her future. There was quite the age difference between them. Violeta had grown up fast, she’d had no choice. None of us had. But there were still laws to follow, and I was fairly certain it was illegal for a man of his age to be with a seventeen-year-old girl.

  “You like him,” I said.

  “Yes, but I’m too young. He won’t touch me since I’m not eighteen. He keeps insisting he doesn’t think of me that way, but I know different. I’ve heard him, when he thinks I’m asleep.” Her cheeks flushed. “He sometimes calls out my name and I can tell he’s pleasuring himself. The next morning, he always looks guilty. It weighs on him, to be attracted to someone my age.”

  “You won’t be seventeen forever, Violeta. The fact he wants to wait means he’s an honorable man.”

  Violeta nodded and reached for my hand. I gave hers a squeeze while we waited. I didn’t know how much time passed before Rocket came back into the room with a man in a lab coat following.

  “Sofia, this is Doctor Myron. He treats the ladies here at the Dixie Reapers’ compound,” Rocket said.

  Doctor Myron smiled. “Hi, Sofia. Do I have your permission to look you over and make sure everything’s okay?”

  “Yes,” I said, releasing Violeta’s hand.

  She scurried out of the way, plastering herself to Rocket’s side. I noticed she was trembling, and I hated that she was scared of the doctor. I answered Doctor Myron’s questions, my cheeks flushing when he asked when I’d last had sex and about my last period. I saw Violeta’s eyes go wide when she heard I’d had sex with Saint about six weeks ago, and Rocket led her from the room. I hoped she didn’t think Saint had forced me, because he hadn’t, not even a little. I’d told her as much already, but I knew she was worried. I’d wanted him, still did for that matter.

  “And you haven’t had a period since then?” the doctor asked.

  “Well, no. But it’s not unusual for me to be late or skip a month completely. I’ve never been regular.”

  He hmm’d and listened to my heart and lungs, checked my eyes and ears, and seemed content that I was in good health. He couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. The look in his eyes said he suspected that my sister was right and I most likely carried Saint’s child. I didn’t see that going over well.

  “Without a urine or blood test, I can’t say for certain, but I think you’re pregnant,” Doctor Myron said.

  “But I never conceived before,” I said. “I’ve been… sexually active for about four years. Why now?”

  I’d barely gotten the words out. Sexually active? That was one way to put it. The wrong way, but I didn’t want to delve into my past right now. I didn’t know how much he knew of me and my sisters. Discussing the dark years of my life wasn’t a fun pastime, even if it was for medical purposes.

  “Maybe it was just meant to be,” he said.

  Meant to be? No, I couldn’t accept that. When Saint found out, he’d be so angry. I’d told him I couldn’t get pregnant, so he hadn’t bothered with a condom. Now I was carrying his baby, and he’d think I’d lied. Oh, God. I might be sick again. My stomach felt like it was bubbling, and I fought back a whimper. I didn’t know anyone who enjoyed throwing up, but I especially didn’t. I could handle broken bones, headaches, anything other than nausea. That was the one thing that would kick my ass and put me in bed until it passed.

  “I can take the blood now and have the lab run it when I get back to my office. I’ll call as soon as I have the results,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  Doctor Myron drew some blood, then packed up his things. “I’ll be calling within the hour. Try to rest. I know there’s a lot going on right now, but stress isn’t good for you. Anything upsetting doesn’t have a place in this house or in your room. Understood?”

  “Yes, Doctor Myron. Thank you for coming.”

  “I won’t say anything to anyone,” Doctor Myron said, “and I know it’s not my place, but I consider the Dixie Reapers to be friends. I think you should tell Saint. He might surprise you. Planned or not, he’ll love the baby.”

  It hadn’t escaped my notice he’d said Saint would love the baby, not me. I didn’t fear Saint being a good dad. I already saw how amazing he was with Delia. What con
cerned me was how he’d feel about me. I’d hoped things would go back to the way it had been the day we’d conceived this baby, but now I doubted that would happen.

  I shook my head, a tear slipping down my cheek. “No. He’ll hate me.”

  What the hell? I seldom cried. Yes, I’d bawled my eyes out when I’d arrived here from Colombia, but I didn’t do that often. I’d learned early that tears didn’t solve anything. Every now and then, it was a good way to do an emotional purge, but otherwise tears had no place in my life.

  “I doubt that very much, but I’ll leave the decision up to you. Rest, Sofia.”

  He let himself out of the room and I rolled onto my side, crying into my pillow. I’d screwed things up so badly this time. The one man I wanted more than anything would be so angry with me. Even though he’d never hurt me, I didn’t know what to expect if he found out I was pregnant. I tried to calm down, breathe, and focus. Just because the doctor thought I was pregnant didn’t mean I was. The test could come back negative.

  Was the pregnancy the reason my emotions had been so scattered lately? I’d felt like someone was jerking me from one end of the spectrum to another with one quick tug. I knew that pregnancy could cause hormonal and emotional changes, just from what I’d witnessed with Luciana and Sofia. It had never occurred to me that was what was happening to me, though.

  Violeta quietly came into the room and sat beside me, reaching out to take my hand. I held on, needing the comfort she offered.

  “You said you weren’t hurt,” she said softly. “Why did you lie?”

  This again? I guess I could understand her concern. After everything we’d suffered, she probably had a hard time picturing me sleeping with a man voluntarily. Even though she seemed to like Rocket, I wondered if she’d have trouble with intimacy if anything ever developed between them after she grew up a little more.

  “I wasn’t hurt,” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. “I agreed to be with him.”

  “Like before? Did you have to agree so things wouldn’t be worse?” she asked.

  “No. I wanted him. Saint is different from anyone I’ve met before, and I…” I swallowed hard. “I thought I could handle just one time. I wanted to experience how things are supposed to be between a man and a woman, but it just made me want more, more of him. Once wasn’t enough. Not for me, but he doesn’t want me. He made it clear that he and Delia don’t need me.”

  “That’s not what I hear,” Rocket said from the doorway. “It’s not what Teller said he witnessed earlier. Saint cares, but he’s worried about his kid. And I think he’s worried about you too. I don’t think he pushed you away as a way to punish you. He’s trying to keep his kid and you safe the only way he knows how.”

  “He has a child?” Violeta asked, her eyes going a little wide.

  “He’s not like our father,” I assured her. “Delia is Saint’s entire world, and he would do anything for her. I know that letting me into their lives isn’t a good idea. At least, not while Father is around. You know he’d use Delia against me if he ever got the chance. It doesn’t stop me from wanting Saint, wanting to be a part of his family.”

  “If Spider is able to handle Gomez, then that might not be an issue anymore,” Rocket said.

  “What if he’s dead? What if he died and my father is coming here next?”

  Violeta’s hand trembled in mine. I hated scaring her, but we needed to face reality. Our father would never let us go. I’d known it the moment we were loaded onto that jet. The only way we’d ever escape is if we were going to a worse fate. The fact we all seemed to want to stay in our new homes meant that we were on borrowed time. I knew to some I would seem negative, but I was being realistic. We’d never been allowed happiness, so I didn’t expect that to change now. I’d fight to keep Saint and Delia safe, in my own way. Struggling against my father wouldn’t do anything, but if I went quietly… maybe that would be enough to make him leave everyone else alone. I’d do it, go back to that horrific life, if it meant that ugliness never touched little Delia.

  “I’m stepping outside, but I’ll be close,” Rocket said. “Sofia, I can’t tell you what to do, but I think Saint needs to know if you’re pregnant. Saint already had one kid kept from him. Don’t make the same mistake my sister made.”

  Sister? I blinked at Rocket. “What does that mean?”

  “You didn’t know?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

  “No.”

  “Delia’s mother was my sister, Rhianon. She died in a car accident when my niece was still a baby. Rhianon never told Saint they had a kid together, no matter how many times I told her it was a bad idea. He found out after she’d passed, when I called and told him to come get his daughter. Don’t screw him over the way she did. The guy was scared shitless over raising an infant, but I’ve never seen someone love a little girl more than he loves Delia. He’d be the same with any kids the two of you had together.” Rocket turned and walked off, leaving me feeling as if world were tilting.

  Saint had been with Rocket’s sister, and Delia was their child. Why hadn’t she told Saint about the baby? He was wonderful with Delia, and I knew he loved her more than anything in the world. It wasn’t that I doubted that he would love any child he had, but I was scared that he would hate me. Would he try to take the baby away? And could I honestly stop him? Would I want to? Here with the Dixie Reapers, that child would have a safe haven, a barrier to keep away the darkness. It was more than I could ever offer. As long as my father or his men were alive, I would always have to look over my shoulder, and I’d do anything to keep them from getting their hands on a child.

  Bile rose in my throat and I rushed to the bathroom again. My stomach had nothing left and all I could do was dry heave. I hated throwing up, but I’d heard it was common during pregnancy. As Violeta had said, she’d been sick often enough during the first part of her pregnancy. I didn’t remember Luciana experiencing this part, but she could have kept it to herself. Although, as much as I would love to have Saint’s baby, I was hoping I’d just contracted the flu or something. The last thing I needed to do was bring a child into the chaos and pain of my world.

  “I bet Rocket would let you come stay with us,” Violeta said as she came into the bathroom.

  “No. I’ll figure something out,” I said. I could tell my sister adored the biker, and I didn’t want to intrude. They might not be able to have the type of relationship she would like, at the moment, but in time that could change. She deserved to be happy, to find love. And since Luciana was not only married but dealing with her own issues -- like a possibly deceased husband and miscarriage -- I wasn’t about to be a burden to her either.

  I heard voices from the front of the house. Rocket, and two other men. I splashed water on my face, rinsed out my mouth, and decided to be brave and find out what was happening. If it involved me, then I might as well face whatever fate had in store for me now. Violeta kept pace with me, and we drew to a halt when the President of the Dixie Reapers glared in my direction. Oh, hell. Had he found out? Did he think I’d tried to trap Saint? Doctor Myron must have already gotten the results and called someone. I had a feeling that doctor-patient thing didn’t exist in this world. Probably the only thing they had in common with my father.

  The room spun and I threw my hand up, bracing myself against the wall. I felt hands at my waist and looked up at a man I didn’t recognize. His patch said Venom and that he was the Dixie Reapers VP. I hadn’t had a chance to meet everyone, but there was kindness in his eyes so my fear subsided. Thanks to my time with Saint, I no longer had the gut reaction to run from every man who looked my way.

  “We’re not angry with you,” Venom said. “We’re pissed at Saint.”

  Torch came closer. “Doctor Myron called and confirmed you’re pregnant. Before you get upset that he told me, you should know that doctor-patient confidentiality crap doesn’t mean shit in this club. You live here which makes you my responsibility. Since you’ve only been alone with Saint, I
knew it had to be his.”

  “Don’t tell him. Please. He’ll be so angry, and…” A tear slipped down my cheek. Damn hormones! “I don’t want him to hate me.”

  “Hate you?” Torch asked. “Why would he hate you?”

  “We know the boy well enough that I doubt he’d force himself on you,” Venom said. “But if you didn’t ask for his attentions, then…”

  I shook my head. “I wanted him. We agreed it would be the once.”

  “The condom break?” Torch asked. “I know he knocked up Delia’s mom years ago, but I’d have thought he’d learned a lesson. He’s been so damn cautious that as far as I knew, he’d been celibate since bringing Delia home.”

  My cheeks burned and I dropped my gaze. “We didn’t use one. He said he didn’t have any, and instead of asking him to go find one, I told him it was fine. I’ve never conceived, and thanks to the test that was done before I came here I knew I was clean. I told him I couldn’t have kids.”

  “How long?” Torch asked softly. “How long did they hurt you like that?”

  “Four years,” I said. “And I never once got pregnant. I really didn’t think I could have a baby. I didn’t mean to trap him. I just…”

  I clenched my hands at my sides and ground my teeth together. I hated feeling like this. Having a baby should be a reason to celebrate, not worry that the father would think you’d tried to trap him, or not even knowing who the father was. My sisters and I hadn’t had the best of luck when it came to this sort of thing. I wanted that happy moment I’d seen in movies and read about in books.

  Would Saint think I’d done it as a way to remain here? Being with the Dixie Reapers was better than anything I’d experienced before. I’d felt safe for the first time since I realized exactly who and what my father was.

  “This is a fucking mess,” Torch muttered. “Saint still should have used a damn condom, or kept his dick in his pants, but she’s right. It’s not entirely his fault, nor is it hers. I’m not sure how he’s going to react.”