Ashes (Devil's Boneyard MC 7) Read online

  I went into her bathroom and turned on the shower, set out a clean towel for her, then stepped out. Nikki shuffled past me, more zombie than human at the moment. I left her to it and started picking up the mess in her room and stripping the bed. When I turned to shove everything in the hamper near her closet, I sighed and stared at her. She was still standing in the bathroom, vacantly looking at the shower.

  She needed help, but she refused to go talk to a shrink, and Renegade insisted she’d be fine and to leave her be. I couldn’t, though. Either my brother wasn’t aware of just how bad Nik had gotten, or he was choosing to ignore it. I understood he was preoccupied with his new woman and daughter, and the kid they had on the way, but that didn’t change the fact his sister needed him. I could go to the Pres and ask him to speak to Renegade, but I didn’t want to do that. Nikki needed someone, and I was happy to help. I considered it penance for my fucked-up cousin being responsible for what happened to Nikki and Bane.

  “Nikki, I need you to take a shower and get ready for your appointment,” I reminded her again.

  When she still didn’t move, I knew I’d have to take things further than I should. I reached up and eased the elastic from her hair, letting it tumble down her back. Bracing myself for however she might react, I reached for the hem of her shirt and slowly started to lift it, hoping like hell she’d snap out of it and shove me away, then undress herself. Her bare breasts came into view, and I slammed my eyes shut, and cursed the fact I was getting hard. It was all kinds of fucked up. I managed to get her shirt off, then shoved her pajama pants down her legs. Settling my hands on her hips, I noticed she hadn’t been wearing panties. It was tempting to let my hands wander over that smooth skin, but I held back.

  I brushed past her and tested the shower water, warming it a little more, before I reached back and took her hand. I tried really fucking hard not to look anywhere but her face as I stuck her under the shower spray. She sucked in a breath, her eyes going wide, and I could tell the moment she was coming back to the present and getting out of her head.

  “Ashes?” she asked.

  “Yeah, Nik. Just… shower, okay? I’ll put some clothes out for you, then wait in the living room.”

  My gaze dropped to her breasts, and I knew it made me an asshole, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from going even lower. The swell of her belly made my fingers twitch as I fought the urge to reach out and place my hand there. Nikki seemed to read my mind and reached out, taking my hand in hers, then pressed my palm to her belly. I stared a moment before looking up to see her watching me.

  “It’s okay if you want to feel the baby,” she said. “You’ve been here every week helping take care of us. It’s almost more your kid than Bane’s.”

  I shook my head. “No, Nik. The baby is yours and Bane’s, and everyone knows it. The kid will know it too. We’ll all tell him or her about their dad, and how he died trying to save you. He’ll be a hero in his kid’s eyes.”

  Her lower lip trembled. “I’m scared, Ashes.”

  Ah, hell. I could handle about anything, except tears. I slipped off my cut and laid it on the counter, then toed off my boots. I stepped into the shower and gathered Nikki in my arms, not caring that I was getting soaked. She cried and clutched at my shirt. It was all kinds of fucked up that she was naked, and my dick was more than aware of the fact. If Renegade saw me right now, he’d kick my ass.

  “Everything’s going to be fine, Nik. You don’t have to do any of this on your own. The club is behind you one hundred percent. You know that, right? It’s not just Renegade. We’re all here for you.”

  She sniffled and looked up at me. “No, not everyone. Just you. My brother hardly comes by, and I never see the others unless I go to the compound.”

  I bit my tongue before I said something I shouldn’t. I’d thought long and hard about her situation. The fact she lived alone and didn’t have anyone to check on her, other than the club, meant that she’d be safer at the compound. If anything happened, it would take too long to reach her. Hell, that was if anyone even knew she needed help. I wanted her to move behind the gates, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. She wasn’t mine.

  The pain in her eyes twisted my insides. I wanted more than anything to see her smile again, to see the happy, carefree Nikki I’d come to know over the years. Renegade kept her from the club as much as possible, and for good reason, but this Nikki wasn’t the same woman I’d been watching for so long. If I hadn’t been preoccupied back then, I might have noticed she was spending time with Bane. Truthfully, I’d tried damn hard not to notice her. I’d known Renegade wouldn’t want her with a brother.

  “Nik, you have a lot of people who care about you.”

  “Do you?” she asked.

  Hell yes! Not that I was going to tell her that. She might only be a decade younger than me -- okay, a bit more than that -- but as far as her big brother was concerned, that was too big an age gap. I found that fucking hilarious considering he was older than me and his woman was Nikki’s age. I knew he was just being protective of his little sister, and I couldn’t blame him. Nik was pretty fucking awesome, even though her world had been ripped apart. The fact she was still standing, hadn’t given in to her grief, proved that she was stronger than she realized.

  “You know I do,” I said, deciding to leave it at that.

  She glanced at my chest and the corner of her mouth turned up in a slight smile. “You got in here still dressed.”

  “Wasn’t exactly going to strip naked first.”

  She sighed and nodded, taking a step back. “I’ll finish my shower and get dressed. I promise I won’t take long.”

  I got out and waited for her to close the frosted-glass door before I stripped to my boxers. While she finished her shower and got ready, I threw my things in her dryer, including the boxers. The laundry room door was mostly shut and would give me time to cover myself if she came this way. I leaned against the machine and folded my arms, staring at the wall and trying to sort the crap in my head. Nikki was in a rough spot and the last thing she needed was a horny guy taking advantage. It’s why I wasn’t here every day, even though I’d feel better if someone checked on her the days I wasn’t around.

  Fact was that Nikki turned me on more than any other woman. It had been that way since she’d turned eighteen and I’d noticed she wasn’t a kid anymore. Didn’t matter. She wasn’t for me. The last thing Renegade wanted was for Nikki to live in our world, and I didn’t blame him. Not even a little. She’d already been roughed up after dating Bane for a short time. She could face much worse if she were permanently attached to one of us. It would put a bigger target on her. Being Renegade’s sister was bad enough, but if she wore a property patch too? Fuck.

  No, it was better to be her friend and keep my dick in my pants. I glanced down at my cock, which was so damn hard it hurt. Even now I wanted her. I shut the laundry room door the rest of the way and snatched a towel out of the hamper in the corner. I gripped my cock and gave it a stroke. I knew Nik’s apartment as well as my own home and reached up into the cabinet where she stored her extra shit. Grabbing a bottle of lotion, I slicked my palm before stroking my dick again.

  It was wrong, to stand here jerking off to the sight of her in the shower, but it was the only hope I had of fitting back in my jeans at least somewhat comfortably. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of her bare breasts pressed against me, how full they were. Grinding my teeth together, I tried to remain silent, but as I tugged harder, I couldn’t stifle my groan. My body shuddered as I came. I caught my cum with the towel, then wiped off my cock and hands. Looking around the laundry room, I tried to figure out what the fuck I should do with the towel.

  Since I’d been the one doing her laundry lately, I just shoved it between the washer and the wall, making a mental note to grab it the next time I was here and do a load of towels. The last thing I needed was Nikki finding that and freaking the hell out. She’d either think some perv had broken into her home and jacke
d off on her towel, or she’d know it was me, which might be worse. If she said anything to Renegade, I’d get my ass stomped.

  By the time I heard her moving around in the main part of the apartment, my clothes were mostly dry, so I dressed and went to get my boots and cut from her bathroom. She’d placed my cut at the foot of her bed and my boots were on the floor nearby. I just stood there a moment, looking at my cut lying on her rumpled bed. It almost looked like it belonged there, which was stupid. No fucking way I belonged in Nik’s life as anything other than her friend.

  I pulled it on and put on my boots before heading out the door, with Nikki right behind me. She locked up her place, then I took her keys and unlocked her little SUV. She’d had a small car before, but when her pregnancy became known, a few of us had pitched in to help buy her something a little roomier. Well, mostly I had, but I hadn’t told her that. As far as she was concerned, it was a gift from her brother and a few club members.

  It wasn’t the first time I’d taken her to an appointment, so I knew the way. I pulled into a parking space right out front of the clinic and helped Nikki out of the SUV. She walked inside and went straight to the counter while I found two empty seats next to each other.

  “What do you mean I owe money?” I heard Nikki ask.

  As far as I knew, she had insurance. I stood and went to check on her, hoping to keep her stress level down. Nik was dealing with enough already. I placed my hand at her lower back and stared down at the woman behind the counter. She blinked up at me, a blush suffusing her cheeks. The way she smiled and batted her eyes had me wanting to snarl. She didn’t know if Nik and I could be a thing, and she was going to flirt? I hated that shit.

  “What’s the problem?” I asked.

  “Ms. Adams owes money from her previous two visits. Until her account balance is paid, we can’t see her today,” the woman said in a sickly sweet voice.

  “How much?” I asked.

  I felt Nikki tense. I slid my hand from her back to her hip and gave it a squeeze. No way in hell I was letting her walk out of here without seeing the doctor just because she had a balance. The woman looked from me to Nik and back again.

  “Well, we aren’t really supposed to disclose a patient’s details.”

  I contained my growl of annoyance as I looked down at Nik. “How much, sweetheart? And don’t lie.”

  Nikki pressed her lips together, but eventually the fight went out of her. It was nice to see that spark, if even for just a moment. She went on tiptoe and whispered the amount in my ear. I pressed a kiss to her temple and pulled out my wallet. Giving the bitch behind the counter my credit card, I watched as she ran it for the full balance, then I signed the slip.

  I took Nik’s hand and led her over to the seats I’d found for us. When she sat, she seemed to almost curl in on herself. I didn’t let go of her hand, and rubbed my thumb across her fingers. It wasn’t the time or place, but I wanted to know why her insurance hadn’t been paying for her visits. I’d been leaving her mail in the kitchen, but now I wondered if she’d been paying her bills. Had the insurance lapsed?

  “Have you thought of any names?” I asked.

  She licked her lips and focused on me. “I always liked Oliver for a boy or Lacey for a girl.”

  I smiled at her. “I like those names. You’ll know soon enough which one to call the baby.”

  Nik pressed a hand to her belly. I could tell that she wanted to be excited, but felt guilty about it. Bane wasn’t here, and nothing would bring him back, but she seemed to think that meant she had to suffer forever. No one would think less of her if she moved on. They’d only been on a few dates, if even that, when he’d been killed. I knew some of the guys had gotten serious about someone that fast, but I didn’t think Bane and Nikki had been there yet. She was loyal to a fault, though, and I knew she hated that she’d survived and he hadn’t. We’d talked about it some, when she wasn’t practically catatonic. She didn’t outright say she’d felt anything for him, but I could tell she did carry a large amount of guilt, and seemed traumatized by the way he’d died.

  Even more proof that she wasn’t cut out to be an ol’ lady. She wasn’t tough enough, but God did I love her. I liked how soft and sweet she was. It would take someone like her to temper my hard edges, but my world would swallow her up and spit her out.

  “Nikki Adams,” a nurse called out from a side door.

  Nikki stood, then tugged on my hand. My heart thumped hard. She wanted me back there? I’d never gone back before. In fact, I usually ran a few errands while she was here, but she’d seemed off today so I’d stayed. I was glad I had, or she might not have been seen at all.

  “Just lie down on the table. The tech will be in momentarily,” the nurse said as she showed us into a room. “You can just lift your shirt for this one, as long as you can tug your pants down a bit.”

  Nik nodded and I helped her onto the padded table. She stretched out and put her head on the little paper-covered pillow. I noticed her hands were trembling and I stood next to her, running my fingers up and down her arm before brushing her hair back from her face. “It’s going to be fine, Nik. You’ll see. Aren’t you excited about seeing the baby?”

  “Are you?” she asked.

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I am.”

  The technician bustled into the room, grinning. “All right, Mom and Dad. Let’s see if the little one will cooperate.”

  My chest grew tight and I waited for Nik to correct her, but she never did. I looked at her rounded belly and placed my hand there while the tech got everything ready. The kid in there might not be mine, but that didn’t matter. Bane had been a friend, and almost a brother, and I’d adored Nik for a while now. Didn’t mean I’d be raising the kid with her, though, not even if it was what I wanted.

  Was it? I hadn’t thought about it before, hadn’t let my mind go there, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Being with Nik every day, holding her at night, feeling the baby kick as she slept against me. Yeah, I’d fucking love that, but it wouldn’t happen. Not my kid, not my life. Not my old lady. But shit, if she were, I’d die a happy man. As far as my brothers were concerned, I was still happy with club pussy. I’d made sure to walk out with a girl almost every night I was at the clubhouse, but no one knew that’s all I did. Well, technically.

  There was one person at the clubhouse who knew I was head over heels for a woman, and it wouldn’t take much for him to figure out it was Nik. A Prospect. Jin was willing to keep my secret. In exchange, I led the club girls outside and into the shadows, then held them down while Jin made them scream in pleasure. They got off on it and everyone went home happy. Everyone but me. My dick only got hard for Nikki these days, which sucked big-ass donkey balls because I wouldn’t be getting any from her. Rosie-Palm was the only one getting me off, and if I kept jerking my dick two or three times a day, I’d get carpal tunnel.

  The tech brushed my hand aside, bringing me back to the present. She lifted Nik’s shirt up to the bottom of her breasts, which I noticed were braless still. Fuck. Me. Then she tugged Nik’s pants down until I could almost see her pussy. I shifted, willing my dick to stay down, but it was already at half-mast. The tech squeezed KY Jelly on Nik’s stomach, then used a little wand thing to smear it around.

  “Aw. There’s the little one,” the tech said, pointing to the screen.

  “Can you see if it’s a girl?” I asked.

  “Little stinker is turned wrong,” the tech said. “Hang on. Let’s see if we can get them to turn a little.”

  She used her other hand to press on Nik’s stomach and slowly the baby began to move. She’d pause here and there to tap some keys and the picture on the screen would freeze a moment. The suspense was getting to me, but eventually I saw what I knew had to be a penis. Or the kid had three legs.

  “Congrats, Mom and Dad! You’re having a baby boy!”

  I saw the tears in Nik’s eyes and leaned down to brush my lips across her forehead. “Little Oliver. He’s
beautiful, Nik. You did good.”

  She nodded and sniffled, staring at the screen with wide eyes. Something told me this was exactly what she’d needed. Now that she’d seen the baby, could call them by name, maybe she could get back on track. Whatever she needed, I’d see that she had it. Anything. No matter the cost, I’d do what I had to.

  “I’ll just print off a few pictures for you, then you’re good to go. You can schedule your next appointment at the front on your way out,” the tech said.

  Once I had the pictures in hand, and the tech had wiped the lube off Nik’s stomach, I helped her right her clothes and stand up. I kept staring at the images on the way to the front desk and only half-listened as she set up her next visit.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Adams, but we can’t set another appointment without a payment method on file.”

  This bitch! I was getting tired of her shit. I pulled out my wallet again and practically threw my damn card at her. It was taking everything I had not to reach across the damn desk and knock the shit out of her. I’d never believed in hurting a woman, but this one was tempting me to break that code.

  “So put the fucking thing on file. What’s your damn problem?” Nik’s hand went to my arm and she gripped me tight. “Something wrong with her coming here?”

  The bitch shook her head, going pale as she added my card information to the system. Then she handed it back and I put it away before dragging Nikki from there. I was seconds from stomping that bitch into a mudhole. Fucking cunt! I never thought of women like that, always tried to respect them, even the club sluts, but this one… I couldn’t believe the way she’d treated Nik.

  “Ashes,” she said softly.

  “I’m sorry, Nik. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

  “Why did you?”

  “Because it pissed me the fuck off that she was treating you that way. Why didn’t your insurance pay? And why the hell didn’t you say something?”

  She worried at her lower lip and glanced away. “Because the policy lapsed. I haven’t been going to work and I lost my job.”