Saint (Dixie Reapers MC 12) Read online

  I didn’t kid myself. That wasn’t me. Having an old lady? I might have wanted that at one point, and for Delia’s sake I knew I needed to consider it, but I was too worried about letting the wrong sort of woman into her life. The ladies who flocked to the MC were usually more club whore than mom of the year. I wasn’t saying they couldn’t be both, but I hadn’t found one like that yet, and that’s what I wanted. A mom who would adore Delia and give her everything she needed from a woman, and a tiger in my bed who clawed the hell out of me and begged for more. I didn’t think anyone like that actually existed. Not around these parts anyway.

  I walked across the room to my bed and face planted across the mattress. Groaning, I tried to scrub the scent and feel of Sofia from my mind. My cock twitched in my boxer briefs and I wondered if I’d be a completely sick and twisted bastard if I jerked off imagining what she’d feel like wrapped around my dick. I’d never been that guy. Yeah, I’d yanked one out plenty of times, and I’d slept with my share of women, but I’d always respected them. The thought of a rub and tug while thinking about the abused woman down the hall didn’t seem right. I might not know for certain what had happened to her, but that nightmare had been a bit enlightening, and not in a great way.

  I knew there was no way in hell I was going to sleep, not with my thoughts all jumbled and my cock aching. Why the hell did my body have to be interested in that woman? With all the ones who'd been flinging themselves in my direction, my dick didn’t give a shit. But the one female I shouldn’t want, and he’s ready to lay claim to her. Fucking figures. I rolled onto my back and groaned as I shifted. It had been too fucking long since I’d been with a woman.

  I stripped off my boxer briefs and flung them onto the floor, followed quickly by my T-shirt. Sprawled naked across the bed, I reached into the bedside table and pulled out the lube. Whether it was wrong or not, I needed some relief, and I had no doubt that I’d be thinking of Sofia. I squirted a liberal amount on my palm and slicked it down my shaft. I rubbed my thumb over the sensitive head before gripping my cock tightly and starting to stroke. It felt good, but nowhere near as good as being inside a woman.

  I closed my eyes and pictured Sofia, unafraid and reaching for me. Her soft hands, gripping my cock, her lips parted and eyes dark with arousal. I got harder when I pictured her legs parted, her pussy slick with arousal as she begged me to fuck her. I moaned her name as I jerked my cock faster and harder. Soft hands coasted over my chest and abs, making me bite my lip at how real it felt. When thighs encased mine, my eyes flew open and I stared at Sofia, naked and straddling my body.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  She pried my fingers off my cock and lowered herself. I gripped her hips, intent on pulling her off, but Christ she felt so fucking good!

  “Sofia.” I closed my eyes a moment as she squeezed me with her inner muscles. “Why are you in here?”

  “This is what you wanted, yes? To fuck me?”

  “You aren’t here for this. It’s not why my club took you in.”

  “Of course it is,” she said, pulling my hands loose and starting to ride me.

  I thought I had better control over myself, but I hadn’t been inside a woman in years. I tried to pull her off again, but she clamped her thighs against me and refused to get off. The look in her eyes said she wasn’t really here, didn’t want this, and I wasn’t about to become yet another asshole who has used and abused her.

  “Sofia, get the fuck off.”

  She slid up and down my cock again. “Doesn’t feel like that’s what you want.”

  “Damn it. Just because my dick is hard doesn’t mean I want you to whore yourself out to me. Get off! You don’t want this, and don’t lie and say you do.”

  “It’s why I’m here,” she said again, seeming insistent. “I’ll be good to you.”

  Fuck. Me. “No, Sofia. Please. I’ve never hurt a woman, never taken one who wasn’t willing. Don’t do something we’ll both regret.” I could throw her off, but I was worried I’d hurt her.

  She paused, looking down at me, her brow furrowed and confusion in her eyes.

  My heart was racing in my chest, and I had the horrible realization that she hadn’t just been raped once or twice. She’d been forced to give herself to anyone who asked.

  “Sofia, have you ever enjoyed sex?” I asked softly. “Tell me the truth, not what you think I want to hear.”

  “No,” she said, looking away.

  I reached up and turned her chin so that I could hold her gaze. I scanned her body and saw not a single hint of arousal. Her nipples weren’t hard, there wasn’t lust in her gaze, no goose bumps along her arms. She was just getting me off because it’s what she thought she was supposed to do. Son of a bitch.

  “Do you want to come, Sofia? Do you want to know what sex should be like?” I asked. I should bail and run like fuck, but the thought that she’d never experienced pleasure, had only been hurt had my stomach knotting.

  “There’s no pleasure in sex,” she said. “Only pain.”

  “Am I hurting you right now?”

  She shifted and winced, then nodded a little.

  “It’s because you aren’t ready for me. You don’t want this, and your body isn’t prepared to take me. If you insist of me fucking you, I’ll only do it if I can show you pleasure. Will you give me a chance to show you that sex can be a good thing? Not painful, but something to enjoy?”

  She hesitated a moment, chewed on her lower lip, then nodded. I placed my hands on her hips again and lifted her off my cock, rolling us so that she lay under me. Her eyes went a little wide. I braced my weight so I wouldn’t crush her, then leaned down and gently traced my lips along her jaw. Her body was tense and I could feel her heart pounding. If she didn’t respond, didn’t seem to really want me, then I’d get up and walk away. I would never take her, or anyone else, against their will. I might be an asshole on occasion, but I wasn’t a rapist and I didn’t fucking hurt women.

  I pressed my lips to the fluttering pulse in her throat before I slid my hand up her side and cupped her breast. Her body got tighter and her breathing increased. I stroked over her nipple, careful not to hurt her. Pulling back so I look into her eyes, the confusion had increased and she seemed to be struggling with something.

  “Talk to me, Sofia.”

  “It… it doesn’t hurt,” she said.

  “I will never hurt you. It’s why I told you to get off me. I knew you didn’t want it, and I won’t be the kind of guy who takes what’s not truly offered.” I watched her face as I stroked over her nipple again. It puckered and her eyes dilated slightly. “Do you want me to stop?”

  She slowly shook her head, her gaze locked on mine.

  “Does it feel good?” I asked.

  “Y-yes.”

  “Do you want more? Am I allowed to put my mouth on you?”

  “Please,” she said.

  I leaned down and took one nipple into my mouth, sucking on the hard tip. She gasped and her fingers gripped the back of my head as she pressed me closer. I took my time, exploring her body with my lips and hands, inching my way down her body. When I spread her thighs and I looked at her pussy, she wriggled a bit and a flush crept up her.

  “I can still stop,” I said.

  “N-no. I th-think I want m-more.”

  “Think? Or you’re sure?”

  “I’m sure,” she said. “Please, Saint.”

  She’d either shaved or waxed, and her pussy lips were plump and soft. I lapped at her folds, listening to every little noise she made. My tongue touched her clit, and a loud keening came from her as her hips arched. I flicked the little bud with my tongue until she was whimpering and begging. Sucking on it long and hard, I felt the moment she shattered, crying out her release. Her body trembled and I heard a soft cry. I looked up and saw a tear slip down her cheeks. I quickly moved off her, fearing that I’d scared her or hurt her in some way.

  She reached out and gripped my arm. “Don’t go.”


  “I upset you.”

  “No. The opposite. I never knew it could feel like that. I’ve never…”

  “You’ve never come,” I said. “Not even by your own hand?”

  “I didn’t want to touch myself after… all I wanted to do was scrub off their touch and their seed.”

  “How many?” I asked quietly.

  “I don’t know. When I misbehaved, my father let his men have me. Sometimes they kept me to themselves, taking turns. Other times, they’d let anyone use me.”

  I closed my eyes, my heart breaking for her. She didn’t deserve that. No one did!

  “You’re only nineteen, for fuck’s sake! What kind of monster does that?” I asked.

  “I was fifteen the first time,” she said.

  I leapt from the bed and rushed to the bathroom, throwing up in the toilet at the thought of men raping an innocent young girl. I felt Sofia’s hand against my back, and I looked over at her.

  “I understand,” she said. “I’m dirty and… I’ll go back to my room.”

  “What? No!” I reached for her. “That’s not… The thought of all you’ve suffered made me sick, Sofia. But not you. None of that was your fault. How could you let me touch you? After everything you’ve been through, you should have run from my room when I told you to. Why did you stay?”

  “I’m programmed to take whatever men demand,” she said, her lips twisting a little. “Defiance means a harsher punishment. Then you said you wanted to show me pleasure, and I… I was tempted. I didn’t think what you made me feel was even possible.”

  My dick certainly wasn’t hard now, but I was glad I’d been able to give that gift to her. Now I needed to keep my damn hands, and definitely my cock, away from her. I didn’t see her the same as before, didn’t worry as much about her influence on Delia, but I knew that I wasn’t the right man for her. She needed someone gentle, and I tended to be demanding in bed. It would likely scare her or give her flashbacks of the men who hurt her.

  “Go to your room, Sofia. You should stay away from me.” I saw the stricken look on her face, and I placed a hand on her arm, halting her flight from the bathroom. “Not because I feel like you’re dirty or inferior. I’m not the right man for you. I’m not gentle, and the things I like in the bedroom wouldn’t be good for someone who’s suffered the way you have.”

  Her chin shot up a little. “Isn’t that for me to decide?”

  I wanted to smile at the little bit of fire she was showing. It couldn’t be easy, not after everything she’d been through. I liked that she felt secure enough around me to show that little spark. It gave me hope that she’d heal and be able to have a normal life, find love, and enjoy all the things she’d missed out on so far.

  “I like to tie up my women, Sofia. I like to spank them. Watching a woman gag on my cock makes me even harder. You don’t need that shit.”

  Her lower lip trembled a moment, but she held out her wrists. “Then tie me up.”

  I ran a hand down my face, then moved over to the sink, brushing past her. I splashed water on my face and rinsed my mouth with Listerine. She hadn’t budged, still offering up her wrists, a look of determination stamped on her face. As tempted as I was to see if she could handle it, because I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t gorgeous and didn’t make my cock hard, I was also enough of a gentleman to know when I should back away. This was one of those times.

  “If you don’t take me, show me what it’s like to be with someone of my choosing, then I’ll have no choice but to think it’s because you really do think I’m nothing more than a dirty whore and not worthy of you,” she said.

  Fuck.

  I ran my hand through my hair and tried to think of a way out of this one. I couldn’t use her that way, not even if she was asking for it. It was wrong, and I knew I would feel like shit, especially if she started crying or got scared.

  The stubborn tilt of her chin told me she wasn’t going to be swayed.

  “Sofia, if we do this, it’s just the one time. It won’t change anything between us. I can help you prove to yourself that you’re not broken, but we’re not going to live happily ever after. Do you understand? It would just be a release for me.”

  Her lip trembled a little, but she nodded.

  She was fucking killing me, looking at me with those big brown eyes. I couldn’t be her hero. I had to think about my daughter, put her first. Delia was still so little and demanded a lot of my time. Torch had been great about giving me things to do close to home, and nothing overly dangerous. I felt like I was letting the club down, not pulling my weight. It’s why I hadn’t fought very hard when he’d insisted that Sofia come stay with me. I’d hated it, wanted to flat-out refuse, but after I’d argued my point about how it might affect Delia, I’d just accepted my fate. It never occurred to me that I might actually like Sofia or feel any sort of empathy toward her.

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “I, uh, don’t have any condoms. It’s been a while since I was with anyone.”

  She didn’t look like she believed me.

  “My daughter, Delia, was a complete surprise. Her mom died and I’ve been so focused on her that I admittedly don’t make much time for myself. Haven’t had an interest in a woman in a while. Even if I did, I wouldn’t bring them here,” I said.

  “It’s been four years and my father’s men seldom if ever used condoms. Mr. VanHorne insisted on having me tested before I was brought here. I’m clean, but I’ve never once gotten pregnant. I don’t think I’m able to conceive.”

  I hated that for her. Not just the abuse she’d suffered, or that they’d put her in jeopardy by not using protection, but I would imagine it was painful knowing she couldn’t have children. I knew nothing was certain until she’d seen a doctor, but four years and not one time had she gotten pregnant? She was probably right and was likely barren. Just another thing they had stolen from her. As brutal as her nightmare had sounded, I could imagine they’d done a lot of damage to her over the years. Maybe the irreversible kind.

  “I’m clean too,” I said. “I used to get tested regularly, and I had another done after the last time I was with someone. Even when I used condoms I didn’t want to take any chances.”

  She nodded and fidgeted, shifting from foot to foot.

  “Sofia, we don’t have to do this. Why don’t you take some time to think things over?” I asked.

  “No, I want this.”

  “I --” My sentence was cut off by Delia calling out for me. I sighed, wondering at the relief I felt over hearing my daughter’s voice. I’d wanted Sofia, but even I knew this was wrong. “Sorry. My daughter needs me. I’ll distract her to give you time to get back to your room.”

  “All right.”

  I hurried past Sofia and pulled on my boxer briefs and a T-shirt before dashing down the hall to Delia’s room. I’d had to insist that she not leave her room without permission after the morning she’d wanted to make me breakfast and almost burned down the house. Thankfully, she was a good girl and followed instructions pretty well. Most of the time, I amended, as I tripped over the toys I’d told her pick up the night before.

  “I’m here, sweetheart,” I said as I made it to her side.

  Delia flung her arms around my neck and squeezed tight enough I choked a little. I wrapped her up and hugged her tight. There was no one on earth I loved more than my sweet little girl. I’d been scared as hell the first time I’d held her, but she was everything to me now.

  “I had a bad dream, Daddy,” she said.

  “You did? Want to talk about it?” I asked. When she’d gotten old enough to talk, I’d learned that she often dreamed of her mother. I didn’t know if the pictures were to blame and a constant reminder of what she’d lost, but it only seemed right that she get to see the woman who had given birth to her and adored her. Rocket had made sure I had plenty of pictures of his sister, and I had a few of him with Delia too, which I’d placed in her room and one in the living room.

  “I dreamed that so
meone was hurting Sofia. She was crying and begging them to stop, but the mean man just laughed,” Delia said.

  A chill went down my spine. Had she heard Sofia’s nightmare and it had filtered into her dreams? I knew that Sofia hadn’t said anything to Delia about what had happened to her. Until last night, I hadn’t even known the woman had been abused. I knew I needed to say something, but her words were a bit shocking.

  “I promise that Sofia is fine, sweetheart. She’s in her room just down the hall from you.”

  “You won’t let the bad men hurt her anymore, will you, Daddy?” Delia asked.

  “Of course not. Sofia is safe here with us. I’ll protect her just like I protect you.”

  “You should marry Sofia,” Delia said, snuggling closer. “If she were my mommy and your wife, then she’d always be safe from the bad men.”

  My heart stalled a moment. Marry Sofia? What the hell? Delia had never once asked me to give her a mommy before. She knew that she’d had one who loved her above all else, and that had always been enough. Had bringing Sofia here made her long for something she’d been missing? Or was it something else? The little girl in my arms was far too observant, and the way she’d talked about someone hurting Sofia… I didn’t believe in any of that psychic stuff, but I did find it eerie that Delia had known that Sofia had been hurt. No, I’d just have to believe that her subconscious had absorbed the screams from Sofia last night. Still… Delia had been rather sheltered all her life. She wouldn’t have leapt to the conclusion a man was hurting Sofia.